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月亮和六便士|Moon and Sixpence

第二十九章|Chapter XXIX

属类： 双语小说 【分类】世界名著 -[作者: 毛姆] 阅读：[29058]
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1
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我沉默了一会儿，脑子里想着斯特罗伊夫告诉我的这些事。我无法忍受他的懦弱，他也看出了我对他这一点很不以为然。

1
-

I kept silence for a little while, thinking of what Stroeve had told me. I could not stomach his weakness, and he saw my disapproval.

2
-

“你和我一样清楚斯特里克兰是怎样生活的，”他声音颤抖地说，“我不能让她住在那样的环境里——我绝对不能。”

2
-

“You know as well as I do how Strickland lived，”he said tremulously.“I couldn’t let her live in those circumstances-I simply couldn’t.”

3
-

“那是你的事。”我回答道。

3
-

“That’s your business，”I answered.

4
-

“要换作你，你会怎么办？”他问道。

4
-

“What would you have done？”he asked.

5
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“她本来就应该睁着眼睛走路。如果她不得不忍受这些注定的不便，那是她自作自受。”

5
-

“She went with her eyes open. If she had to put up with certain inconveniences it was her own look-out.”

6
-

“我承认你说得对。但是，你知道，她不是你的爱人，你才会这样说。”

6
-

“Yes；but, you see, you don’t love her.”

7
-

“你还爱她吗？”

7
-

“Do you love her still？”

8
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“哦，比以往更爱了。斯特里克兰不是一个能让女人幸福的人。这事持续不了多久，我想让她知道我不会放弃她的。”

8
-

“Oh, more than ever. Strickland isn’t the man to make a woman happy.It can’t last.I want her to know that I shall never fail her.”

9
-

“那就是说，你还准备让她回来？”

9
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“Does that mean that you’re prepared to take her back？”

10
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“我一点儿也不犹豫，因为她会比过去更需要我。当她一个人受尽了屈辱，心都碎了的时候，如果没地方可去，那该多可怕呀。”

10
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“I shouldn’t hesitate. Why, she’ll want me more than ever then.When she’s alone and humiliated and broken it would be dreadful if she had nowhere to go.”

11
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他似乎不再怨恨了。他这个样子我已经司空见惯了，正是因为这一点让我对他缺乏男人的血性有点生气。也许他也猜到了我的想法，所以他说：

11
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He seemed to bear no resentment. I suppose it was commonplace in me that I felt slightly outraged at his lack of spirit.Perhaps he guessed what was in my mind, for he said：

12
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“我不能指望她像我爱她那样去爱我。我是一个小丑，不是那种能让女人爱上的男人。我一直能明确的一点是，如果她爱上了斯特里克兰，我不能责怪她。”

12
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“I couldn’t expect her to love me as I loved her. I’m a buffoon.I’m not the sort of man that women love.I’ve always known that.I can’t blame her if she’s fallen in love with Strickland.”

13
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“我还没见过比你更没有自尊心的男人呢。”我说道。

13
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“You certainly have less vanity than any man I’ve ever known，”I said.

14
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“我爱她胜过了我自己。在我看来，如果爱中还混杂着自尊心，似乎只是因为你最爱的是自己。不管怎么说，一个已婚的男人会移情别恋，这种事经常发生，激情一过，他终究会回到他妻子身边，她能让他回头，并再次接纳他，每个人都认为这是很自然的事。如果男人可以得到这种待遇，为什么女人就该是例外呢？”

14
-

“I love her so much better than myself. It seems to me that when vanity comes into love it can only be because really you love yourself best.After all, it constantly happens that a man when he’s married falls in love with somebody else；when he gets over it he returns to his wife, and she takes him back, and everyone thinks it very natural.Why should it be different with women？”

15
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“我敢说，这倒是很合逻辑，”我微笑着说，“但是大多数的男人都不会这么想，他们无法接纳出轨的妻子。”

15
-

“I dare say that’s logical，”I smiled，“but most men are made differently, and they can’t.”

16
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然而，当我这么和斯特罗伊夫谈话时，我对整个事情的突如其来，还是多少有些疑惑。无法想象他事先没有警觉。我还记得我在布兰奇·斯特罗伊夫眼中看到的奇怪的神色，也许它能解释，她已经隐隐约约意识到了心中不断增加的情愫，这种感情让她很吃惊，自己也被吓着了。

16
-

But while I talked to Stroeve I was puzzling over the suddenness of the whole affair. I could not imagine that he had had no warning.I remembered the curious look I had seen in Blanche Stroeve’s eyes；perhaps its explanation was that she was growing dimly conscious of a feeling in her heart that surprised and alarmed her.

17
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“在今天以前，你就从没怀疑过他们之间有问题吗？”我问道。

17
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“Did you have no suspicion before today that there was anything between them？”I asked.

18
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他没有立刻答话。桌上有支铅笔，他拿起来随手在吸墨纸上画了一个头像。

18
-

He did not answer for a while. There was a pencil on the table, and unconsciously he drew a head on the blotting-paper.

19
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“请你随便说吧，如果你不喜欢我向你发问的话。”我说道。

19
-

“Please say so, if you hate my asking you questions，”I said.

20
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“我把话说出来还好受些。哦，如果你明白我心中可怕的痛苦的话，”他把铅笔一扔，“是的，我已经知道两周了，我在她意识到之前就知道了。”

20
-

“It eases me to talk. Oh, if you knew the frightful anguish in my heart.”He threw the pencil down.“Yes, I’ve known it for a fortnight.I knew it before she did.”

21
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“那你为什么不把斯特里克兰打发走？”

21
-

“Why on earth didn’t you send Strickland packing？”

22
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“我自己都无法相信，这似乎是不可能的。她都不愿看他一眼，真是意想不到，简直难以置信。我刚开始以为自己只是出于嫉妒，你是知道的，我这人一直挺爱嫉妒，但是我自己训练自己，绝不能表现出来。我对她认识的每一个人都嫉妒，我甚至还嫉妒过你。

22
-

“I couldn’t believe it. It seemed so improbable.She couldn’t bear the sight of him.It was more than improbable；it was incredible.I thought it was merely jealousy.You see, I’ve always been jealous, but I trained myself never to show it；I was jealous of every man she knew；I was jealous of you.

23
-

我知道她并不像我爱她那样爱我，这也很正常，不是吗？但是她能允许我爱她，这就足够让我幸福的了。

23
-

I knew she didn’t love me as I loved her.That was only natural, wasn’t it？But she allowed me to love her, and that was enough to make me happy.

24
-

为了让他们单独待在一起，我迫使自己好几个小时出去闲逛。我这样做是为了惩罚自己，因为这种疑神疑鬼贬低了我的品格。等我回来时，我感觉他们不想让我回来——倒不是斯特里克兰，我在不在，对他来说无所谓。而是布兰奇，我去亲吻她时，她浑身一哆嗦。

24
-

I forced myself to go out for hours together in order to leave them by themselves；I wanted to punish myself for suspicions which were unworthy of me；and when I came back I found they didn’t want me-not Strickland, he didn’t care if I was there or not, but Blanche.She shuddered when I went to kiss her.

25
-

最后，我都不知道自己该怎么办了。我知道如果我大吵大闹，他们只会嘲笑我。我觉得如果我闭嘴不说，假装没看见，一切可能会相安无事。我下定决心把他平平静静地打发走，不能有争吵。噢，如果你能知道我所受的痛苦就好了！”

25
-

When at last I was certain I didn’t know what to do；I knew they’d only laugh at me if I made a scene.I thought if I held my tongue and pretended not to see, everything would come right.I made up my mind to get him away quietly, without quarrelling.Oh, if you only knew what I’ve suffered！”

26
-

接着他又告诉了我一遍他如何让斯特里克兰离开。他很小心地挑选合适的时机，努力让他的要求听起来是随口一说的。但是他无法控制声音的颤抖，他自己都觉得虽然他想尽量把话说得快活和友好，可话音中充满了酸酸的醋劲儿。

26
-

Then he told me again of his asking Strickland to go. He chose his moment carefully, and tried to make his request sound casual；but he could not master the trembling of his voice, and he felt himself that into words that he wished to seem jovial and friendly there crept the bitterness of his jealousy.

27
-

他没有想到自己一说，斯特里克兰就同意了，开始收拾东西准备走。最让他意想不到的是，他的妻子也决定和斯特里克兰一起走。我现在看出来了，他真心地希望当时能管住嘴不说。他宁可选择嫉妒的折磨，也不愿忍受和他妻子分离的痛苦。

27
-

He had not expected Strickland to take him up on the spot and make his preparations to go there and then；above all, he had not expected his wife’s decision to go with him.I saw that now he wished with all his heart that he had held his tongue.He preferred the anguish of jealousy to the anguish of separation.

28
-

“我想杀了他，我只会做傻事，让自己像个傻瓜。”

28
-

“I wanted to kill him, and I only made a fool of myself.”

29
-

他沉默了很长时间，接着又说了起来，我知道那些话一直郁积在他的心头。

29
-

He was silent for a long time, and then he said what I knew was in his mind.

30
-

“如果我只是耐心等待，也许不会发生后面这些事的。我真应该多些耐心的。哦，可怜的布兰奇，我把她都逼成什么样了？”

30
-

“If I’d only waited, perhaps it would have gone all right. I shouldn’t have been so impatient.Oh, poor child, what have I driven her to？”

31
-

我耸了耸肩，但没吱声。我对布兰奇·斯特罗伊夫没什么同情，但如果告诉可怜的迪尔柯我对她的真实看法，只会徒增他的痛苦。

31
-

I shrugged my shoulders, but did not speak. I had no sympathy for Blanche Stroeve, but knew that it would only pain poor Dirk if I told him exactly what I thought of her.

32
-

当他不住嘴地说的时候，其实已经到了筋疲力尽的阶段了。他控制不住自己，把当时的场景，每个人说的话，又一遍遍地复述。一会儿想起有什么还没告诉我，赶紧说一遍；一会儿又想跟我讨论，哪些话他该说，哪些话他不该说。他为自己的睁眼瞎而悲叹，一会儿后悔他做了这件事，一会儿又自责没去做那件事。时间越来越晚了，最后，我也同他一样疲惫不堪了。

32
-

He had reached that stage of exhaustion when he could not stop talking. He went over again every word of the scene.Now something occurred to him that he had not told me before；now he discussed what he ought to have said instead of what he did say；then he lamented his blindness.He regretted that he had done this, and blamed himself that he had omitted the other.It grew later and later, and at last I was as tired as he.

33
-

“你现在打算做什么？”我最后说道。

33
-

“What are you going to do now？”I said fnally.

34
-

“我还能做什么呀？我只能等，直到她把我招呼回去。”

34
-

“What can I do？I shall wait till she sends for me.”

35
-

“为什么你不到外地去散散心呢？”

35
-

“Why don’t you go away for a bit？”

36
-

“不行，不行，我必须在这儿候着，她什么时候需要我了，我就在附近。”

36
-

“No, no；I must be at hand when she wants me.”

37
-

对于目前的状况，他似乎完全不知怎么办好了，根本没有计划。当我建议他应该上床休息了，他说睡不着；他想出去，在大街上溜达直到天亮。显然，他这种状态，我不能让他一个人独自行动。我说服他晚上就跟我待在一起，安排他睡我的床。

37
-

For the present he seemed quite lost. He had made no plans.When I suggested that he should go to bed he said he could not sleep；he wanted to go out and walk about the streets till day.He was evidently in no state to be left alone.I persuaded him to stay the night with me, and I put him into my own bed.

38
-

在起居室里，我有一张沙发床，在上面我也能睡得很舒服。在我的坚持下，他现在已经彻底没有力气抗拒我的提议了。我给他服了足量的佛罗那，让他可以人事不省地睡上几个小时，我想这是我能给他的最大帮助了。

38
-

I had a divan in my sitting-room, and could very well sleep on that.He was by now so worn out that he could not resist my frmness.I gave him a suffcient dose of veronal to ensure his unconsciousness for several hours.I thought that was the best service I could render him.

序号 英文/音标 中文解释 更多操作

disapproval

[ˌdɪsə’pruːvl]

n.不赞成

tremulous

[’tremjələs]

adj.颤抖的;胆小的;害怕的

inconvenience

[ˌɪnkən’viːniəns]

n.不便;困难

humiliate

[hjuː’mɪlieɪt]

vt.使 ... 蒙羞;使丢脸

felted

[’feltɪd]

v. 把 ... 制成毡(使 ... 粘结)

outrage

[’aʊtreɪdʒ]

n.暴行;愤怒;义愤

buffoon

[bə’fuːn]

n.丑角;缺乏教养之人

vanity

[’vænəti]

n.化妆台[c]

dim

[dɪm]

adj.暗淡的;模糊的;笨的

anguish

[’æŋɡwɪʃ]

n.苦闷;痛苦

jealousy

[’dʒeləsi]

n.妒忌

unworthy

[ʌn’wɜːði]

adj.无价值的;没有优点的;不值得的;不应得的

shudder

[’ʃʌdə(r)]

vi.战栗;发抖

impatient

[ɪm’peɪʃnt]

adj.不耐烦的;急躁的

Dirk

[dɜːk]

n.短剑;匕首

blindness

[’blaɪndnəs]

n.盲目;失明;愚昧

unconsciousness

[ʌn’kɒnʃəsnəs]

n.无意识;意识不清;失去知觉

divan

[dɪ’væn]

n.会议室;国务会议;沙发床;咖啡馆;吸烟室;诗集

unconsciousness

[ʌn’kɒnʃəsnəs]

n.无意识;意识不清;失去知觉

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