We had a lovely time that summer. When I could go out we rode in a carriage in the park. I remember the carriage, the horse going slowly, and up ahead the back of the driver with his varnished high hat, and Catherine Barkley sitting beside me. If we let our hands touch, just the side of my hand touching hers, we were excited.
Afterward when I could get around on crutches we went to dinner at Biffi’s or the Gran Italia and sat at the tables outside on the floor of the galleria. The waiters came in and out and there were people going by and candles with shades on the tablecloths and after we decided that we liked the Gran Italia best, George, the headwaiter, saved us a table.
He was a fine waiter and we let him order the meal while we looked at the people, and the great galleria in the dusk, and each other. We drank dry white capri iced in a bucket; although we tried many of the other wines, fresa, barbera and the sweet white wines.
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因为战事关系,饭店里不雇用专门管酒的侍者,我一点飞来莎这一类酒,乔治就会怪不好意思地笑笑。
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They had no wine waiter because of the war and George would smile ashamedly when I asked about wines like fresa.
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“你们想想看,有个国家,只要那东西有点草莓味,便把它酿起酒来,”他说。
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5
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"If you imagine a country that makes a wine because it tastes like strawberries," he said.
It was not much of a wine. As he said, it did not even taste like strawberries. We went back to capri. One evening I was short of money and George loaned me a hundred lire. "That’s all right, Tenente," he said. "I know how it is. I know how a man gets short. If you or the lady need money I’ve always got money."
After dinner we walked through the galleria, past the other restaurants and the shops with their steel shutters down, and stopped at the little place where they sold sandwiches; ham and lettuce sandwiches and anchovy sandwiches made of very tiny brown glazed rolls and only about as long as your finger.
They were to eat in the night when we were hungry. Then we got into an open carriage outside the galleria in front of the cathedral and rode to the hospital. At the door of the hospital the porter came out to help with the crutches. I paid the driver, and then we rode upstairs in the elevator.
Catherine got off at the lower floor where the nurses lived and I went on up and went down the hall on crutches to my room; sometimes I undressed and got into bed and sometimes I sat out on the balcony with my leg up on another chair and watched the swallows over the roofs and waited for Catherine.
When she came upstairs it was as though she had been away on a long trip and I went along the hall with her on the crutches and carried the basins and waited outside the doors, or went in with her; it depending on whether they were friends of ours or not, and when she had done all there was to be done we sat out on the balcony outside my room.
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过后我上床去,她则等到病人都睡着了,没有人会再喊她,才走进来。
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Afterward I went to bed and when they were all asleep and she was sure they would not call she came in.
I loved to take her hair down and she sat on the bed and kept very still, except suddenly she would dip down to kiss me while I was doing it, and I would take out the pins and lay them on the sheet and it would be loose and I would watch her while she kept very still and then take out the last two pins and it would all come down and she would drop her head and we would both be inside of it, and it was the feeling of inside a tent or behind a falls.
She had wonderfully beautiful hair and I would lie sometimes and watch her twisting it up in the light that came in the open door and it shone even in the night as water shines sometimes just before it is really daylight. She had a lovely face and body and lovely smooth skin too.
We would be lying together and I would touch her cheeks and her forehead and under her eyes and her chin and throat with the tips of my fingers and say, "Smooth as piano keys," and she would stroke my chin with her finger and say, "Smooth as emery paper and very hard on piano keys."
It was lovely in the nights and if we could only touch each other we were happy. Besides all the big times we had many small ways of making love and we tried putting thoughts in the other one’s head while we were in different rooms. It seemed to work sometimes but that was probably because we were thinking the same thing anyway.
We said to each other that we were married the first day she had come to the hospital and we counted months from our wedding day. I wanted to be really married but Catherine said that if we were they would send her away and if we merely started on the formalities they would watch her and would break us up.
We would have to be married under Italian law and the formalities were terrific. I wanted us to be married really because I worried about having a child if I thought about it, but we pretended to ourselves we were married and did not worry much and I suppose I enjoyed not being married, really.
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26
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我记得有一天夜里我们谈起这件事,凯瑟琳说:“不过,亲爱的,他们会把我调走的。”
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I know one night we talked about it and Catherine said, "But, darling, they’d send me away."
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“或许不会吧。”
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"Maybe they wouldn’t."
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“会的。他们会打发我回国,这样我们得等到战后才能见面。”
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"They would. They’d send me home and then we would he apart until after the war."
"You couldn’t get to Scotland and back on a leave. Besides, I won’t leave you. What good would it do to marry now? We’re really married. I couldn’t be any more married."
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“我要结婚本是为你打算。”
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"I only wanted to for you."
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“哪里还有什么我。我就是你。别再分出一个独立的我。”
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"There isn’t any me. I’m you. Don’t make up a separate me."
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33
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“我本以为姑娘们总是想结婚的。”
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"I thought girls always wanted to be married."
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“你猜得不错。但是,亲爱的,我已经结了婚。我已经和你结了婚。我这妻子还不坏吧?”
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"They do. But, darling, I am married. I’m married to you. Don’t I make you a good wife?"
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“你是个可爱的妻子。”
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"You’re a lovely wife."
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“你知道,亲爱的,我已经有一次等待结婚的经验。”
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"You see, darling, I had one experience of waiting to be married."
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“关于那个,我不想听。”
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"I don’t want to hear about it."
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“你知道我不爱任何人,只爱你。你不应该在乎有个人曾爱过我。”
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"You know I don’t love any one but you. You shouldn’t mind because some one else loved me."
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“我是在乎的。”
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"I do."
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“我的一切都属于你,人家早已死了,你不该妒忌他。”
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"You shouldn’t be jealous of some one who’s dead when you have everything."
"There’s no way to be married except by church or state. We are married privately. You see, darling, it would mean everything to me if I had any religion. But I haven’t any religion."